Shit Monogamous People Say

True to form, I'm hopping on a rhetorical bandwagon about a year too late.

When people learn about polyamory for the first time, or learn that I'm polyamorous for the first time, I've noticed a few themes or questions that pop up again, and again... and again... and again. Not all of them are outright offensive, necessarily, but it does get tiresome to hear them over and over. So here you go, mongamous people, answers to all your questions/statements about poly!

"Boy, I could never do that!"

I think a lot more people would be successful at polyamory if they were just willing to try. Not everyone will like it, but given the high rates of divorce and infidelity, I'm guessing a good many people would benefit from it. So don't dismiss it out of hand.

"So you're allowed to cheat?"

The word "cheating" implies that I'm breaking the rules. I'm not breaking any rules. I'm just playing by a different set of rules than most people are. So no, I'm not "allowed" to cheat. (Now there's a whole 'nother thing about how uncomfortable I am with the game/competition terminology that's commonly used to describe dating and relationships, but that's a rant for another day.)

"Don't you get jealous?"

Of course! It's a totally understandable response. But my jealousy isn't a good reason to forbid D from dating other people, in the same way that his dislike of fish isn't a good reason to forbid me from eating seafood.

"But you and D aren't really committed to each other, though."

If a relationship that has lasted seven years, distances spanning half the globe, and a near-death experience isn't "committed," then I don't know what the hell is.

"Sounds like an excuse to have a lot of one-night stands."

Funnily enough, I'm betting I've had far fewer one-night stands than many "monogamous" people. They're not really my jam. But even if I was having a lot of one-night stands, why would that be a problem? As long as we were using protection and everyone was pleased with the outcome, there's nothing wrong with that.

"Will you have sex with me?"

Probably not.

"Why not? You're polyamorous, aren't you?"

Yeah, but a girl still has standards, dude. You're welcome to ask me out on a date, but don't assume anything.